📡 Orbital Satellite Assets

🛰️ Sir Mikey Smith: Hunter Killer

Designation: Sir Mikey Smith
Launch Origin: Secret payload aboard a Falcon 9 (allegedly Canadian Space Agency)
Mission: Surveillance demonstrator for advanced flerf detection and misinformation triangulation
Mass: Classified — heavy but not absurd (rumored to be built from leftover logic and broken spirit levels)
Technologies: GPS-guided sensor array, redundant spirit level system (in case the gyros are compromised by denial currents)
Operational Status: Actively patrolling Earth's curvature since orbital insertion
Legal Status: Involved in ongoing litigation brought by Mikey Smith alleging “space is fake” and “Canada can't afford it”

🛰️ Curvitorium-1: Orbital Sentinel

Designation: Curvitorium-1
Origin: Unknown. Suspected launch via quantum railgun or redirected weather balloon
Orbit: Polar eccentric retrogradient with occasional philosophical precession
Mission: Also unknown. May involve curvature stabilization, quantum snark harvesting, or gewoon surveillance
Crew: 0 humans, 3 sarcastic AI, 1 confused plumb bob
Subsystems: - Inertial Truth Stabilizers - Denial Deflection Shield - Borg-grade resistance suppressor ("Resistance is futile", as documented)
Notable Payloads: Satellite espresso rig, archived Reddit debates, atmospheric sass generators
Communications: Powered by moonbounce, quantum sarcasm packets, and the occasional carrier pigeon

Curvitorium-1 is a non-classified, non-confirmed, non-existent spacecraft and its technical specs are fabricated for satirical orbital enhancement. Any resemblance to actual missions is purely coincidental... probably.